Withdrawl

Aug. 30th, 2007 03:07 pm
doodlemaier: (Default)
Can't take vacations anymore, they're simply too expensive. Not only in the financial sense but more than 3 days away from reality without pumping time/attention into it accelerates its inevitable slide into entropy. I thought I took care of everything important, at least those I had time for before leaving for Rehobeth only to find that any random detail left unattended will potentially metastasize into full-bore problems in less than a week. I should be creating with that energy, not trying vainly to hold everything together.

"Windows" to the past left open allow in the ghosts and specters of relationships that I did not nurture; not that their visits bring with them any malicious intent, but a haunting is still a haunting. And no sooner than they come they vanish again without the sense of longing and the illusion of separation they instill, and leaving only the questions they raise. I don't believe for a minute that those inquiries are coincidence within two months of putting a ring on H's finger, I only wish I understood the physics by which that kind of universal response operates. Some may notice that I'm in the process of nailing the sills shut and bricking those windows over once and for all. Please don't be offended or take it personally. It's a matter of self preservation. I've taken whatever measures available to stay in touch.

I simply can't keep up with the conversation anymore. The matter of time can't be mistrusted enough. Where the ether of all futures that might yet be condense into the fluid present nothing is stable and nothing is as it appears. Whether it's the things I put aside until now or the thoughts I bring forth the present is the liquid surface that reflects when still, or refracts when agitated, the light of my perception. But also the past, like a giant collective iceberg of frozen time, can intersect with the present and threatens to destroy anything which cannot yield, anything I try to keep solid with my expectations.



Despite all the details weighing on me I'm grateful that what really matters is unchanged.
doodlemaier: (DeansAvatar)
Yeah, I know I'm on vacation, but I got so much done today. Well, we got a lot done and this is big shit - strictly group effort! Things really didn't start moving until [livejournal.com profile] lil_psy showed up. I guess Scotty and my dad and I all realized that we can't goof off and waste our volunteer's time. The truck was basically loaded last night with enough of an opportunity afterward to catch up with Tre over plum sake and riesling. She met back up at Medford this morning and we were on the road to Bentonville by 1:30pm. It clearly wasn't in Scotty's game plan to travel an hour to move a bunch of furniture this afternoon but between Pops and Tre they were able to convince him to adjust his plans to help. In fact he's invested quite a significant bit of time and energy into this project, so much that it couldn't happen without him. Pops conceived the hold plan, folks like Tre volunteered themselves to help and it's greatly appreciated and wouldn't happen without you, either. And me. . . I just coordinate everything, and pick things up over here and put them over there, pay for this and that, and basically grease the cogs as the process rolls along. I need to be more respectful of the plans of my volunteers - after it was clear that we wouldn't get the truck back to Burke by 4:30pm, cutting $30 off the rental of the van, I kinda slacked on leaving B-ville (as I'm apt to do) and inadvertently hijacked her evening (economy won out over good sense, and I should've had her follow us up in her car giving her the freedom to leave when she's done and Scotty wouldn't have had to return to Trafficland locked in the back of the cargo van). But, I do appreciate you inclusion, [livejournal.com profile] lil_psy. You brought us good fortune, your effort was valiant, and your patience strong. I owe you double, even if it's something you can trust me to carry out independently while you're off having fun somewhere else. Test this, and thank you again! Thank you to Jenna at Shurgard for wrangling a last-chance van outta thin air. It's beyond encouraging to work with so many people toward a common goal and have everything go so well. [livejournal.com profile] the_autumn_knew, were you serious about painting? That's next!
Moved from Medford N: )

I've a couple batches to get into RE before I head off to Operation: Jamber and Amie in Delabama - gonna spend a lot of time on the highways this week, but my vacation, so far is off to a wonderful start especially when I consider that it's not always about relaxing and taking it easy - it's about a change of pace.

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