![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
doodlemaierYes, it seems that Adolph Hitler and I share similar brain damage . . . .
H just sent me a job announcement for a web content artist, a job I could totally do. I instantly went through looking for a reason to not even bother applying.
a. it's in Rockville.
b. said explicitly in the ad 'Not having created a lot of art isn't fine.'
c. (and most importantly) I have lost all confidence in making a career from my only god-given talent.
The only thing I wanted to do as a kid was draw; I'd have been very content to be that artist idiot-savant. 'No I can't tie my own shoes, I don't even need shoes! But, I can illustrate each step of the process'. These days I just feel like an idiot. I was told as a child that I needed skills to fall back on. These fall-back skills required so much of my energy/attention (let's face it, I'm not a natural mathematician) that I no longer saw any value in my artistic aptitude. I listened to these fuck-heads (whoever you are) and the desire and motivation were conditioned out of me.
These days when I apply for some shitty low-wage, mind-freezing office job, or see a tempting opportunity for someone else from the branch of a parallel universe that I declined, it makes me want to cry; especially when I realize that this is exactly the situation I wanted to avoid through having a rounded skillset! The imbalance is so strong that I feel the need to drop the bomb and watch New York, Paris, and San Fransisco burn while I enter data and file paper!
H just sent me a job announcement for a web content artist, a job I could totally do. I instantly went through looking for a reason to not even bother applying.
a. it's in Rockville.
b. said explicitly in the ad 'Not having created a lot of art isn't fine.'
c. (and most importantly) I have lost all confidence in making a career from my only god-given talent.
The only thing I wanted to do as a kid was draw; I'd have been very content to be that artist idiot-savant. 'No I can't tie my own shoes, I don't even need shoes! But, I can illustrate each step of the process'. These days I just feel like an idiot. I was told as a child that I needed skills to fall back on. These fall-back skills required so much of my energy/attention (let's face it, I'm not a natural mathematician) that I no longer saw any value in my artistic aptitude. I listened to these fuck-heads (whoever you are) and the desire and motivation were conditioned out of me.
These days when I apply for some shitty low-wage, mind-freezing office job, or see a tempting opportunity for someone else from the branch of a parallel universe that I declined, it makes me want to cry; especially when I realize that this is exactly the situation I wanted to avoid through having a rounded skillset! The imbalance is so strong that I feel the need to drop the bomb and watch New York, Paris, and San Fransisco burn while I enter data and file paper!
