Everything, up 'til now. . . .
Sep. 12th, 2005 10:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
doodlemaierI wanted to share with All how well things went today ('with what?', you say!). Well, court: Baby's Momma sued for back child support - yes I'm a couple of months behind. Not because I'm trying to be a dead-beat dad but because the employment sitch has been so unstable for the last. . . er, year.
Even the things that looked promising - like Lost Horizon, that trucking job I had this time last year - the ins and outs of which I originally set out to catalog through this journal. T and C, friends who started the business, are building homes in Linden, VA these days and may well be on their way to millionaire status by now. That would've made me somewhat of a partner but with owing $V00.00/month I was unable to weather the lows and the desert periods. So I started temping, I met H in the mean, mean time who's helping me immeasurably with getting back on my feet. That in itself has been an incredible adjustment as I move further toward becoming less of a bedouhin and more of a respectable man, a better father, a more stable provider and a more compassionate human being - holy shit, what a year!!!
But that's a story that I'd like to contnue throughout Gargaquulabulum. The temping lead directly to finding this gig with Hospice. There was some static with that in the beginning (detailed in posts starting in February, 2005) where I suspected that, despite the promotion and support from some really awesome folks I work directly with, I was being held back by a certain individual and the run-around from the the hierarchy within the organization in general - all since confirmed true and fact. But as of August I am a full-time 'permanent' (as far as that term goes with employment in general) and doing quite well for myself. An earlier me would've fucked it all up with expectations unfulfilled and the resultant resentment, coupled with the baggage from 5 years dealing with Baby's Momma, had I chose to hold onto that could've made some of the last few month perfectly unbearable, and completely impossible to live through. I am a firm believer in the power of Forgiveness! And, I s'pose that's what this is all about.
Sunday morning she called because she hadn't heard from me about the upcoming hearing, and I hadn't thought to call her with the status because I figured that was the reason for the hearing in the 1st place, only to make it all public and official. But Sunday Morning was the time. I was up early having been awaken in time to rescue Cody's first quarry - a terrified sparrow which was in good enough shape to fly away upon being released outside. Maybe that was just the Karmic boost I needed. Jayne called to confirm that I'd appear at the courthouse, only then did it occur to me that this event was the the undertone of so many of the conversations that we weren't having. Like the one about how difficult a time she had been having with her own job since April. About how little I'd been around during those months gearing up for the move from Manassas to Fairfax. About the steps was taking to secure gainful employment, preserve my credit so that H and I could put plans for the future in motion. About all that I was learning about what goes into the making of a healthy, well-adjusted and emotionally resilient child, both in terms of material, and the less-tangible, means of support.
The fact of the matter is that J and I both have our challenges to overcome in being better parents, we have differing roles to play and differing levels of responsibility, but the involvement and participation should be shared; the goal is the same even if we have different ways of approaching that. What we have here is the results of a steady decline in our ability to communicate our needs and outlook to the other for fear of criticism, frustration and misunderstanding created by looking at the situation through the lenses of our past experience, or just plain stubborn pride. I invited her to talk with me anytime she has issues or problems, concerns or questions. I promise to do everything in my power to understand, to help, to make things better for all of us. I promise you Jayne, that whatever is between us I would never try to dodge my responsibility to our daughter. I Love lil' D! In fact, I need that obligation as much myself as she does to get where it is I'm headed. I can't promise that it will never be frustrating but I can promise that each little breakdown is only half of a cycle that leads us to an eventual breakthrough on the other side. Understanding is what life is about. The more we are able to communicate the more likely the outcomes of these challenges are to benefit everyone involved.
The judge in the 'matter' advised that I was 3 months in arrears and at the recommendation of the court he was inclined to hold me in contempt and that I should be 'punished'. With all due respect your Honor, to punish me would teach me nothing beyond what I already know to be wrong, and I'm only an example inasmuch as others pay attention - which isn't much! I explained to him in brief everything mentioned above and he offered to suspend the case for 3 months pending satisfactory compliance on my part, at which point it would be dismissed. Jayne thought it over for a couple of seconds and decided to dismiss it on the spot. The judge also added that as much as material support is important what matters most is the parenting that goes goes into these situations. Thank you, your Honor . . . my point, exactly!
Please show us the wisdom to look beyond our own to the the well being of the tribe. Tension builds in the gaps left by unbalances until such point as we stretch and flex to accommodate their discomfort. After a (relatively brief, but often painful) adjustment we can relax into the new arrangement - Forgiveness is like the chiropractic manipulation of the soul!
I return you now to to my irregularly scheduled posts of pseudo-psychic babble, obtuse humor and cryptic subjectivity. . . Thank you!
Even the things that looked promising - like Lost Horizon, that trucking job I had this time last year - the ins and outs of which I originally set out to catalog through this journal. T and C, friends who started the business, are building homes in Linden, VA these days and may well be on their way to millionaire status by now. That would've made me somewhat of a partner but with owing $V00.00/month I was unable to weather the lows and the desert periods. So I started temping, I met H in the mean, mean time who's helping me immeasurably with getting back on my feet. That in itself has been an incredible adjustment as I move further toward becoming less of a bedouhin and more of a respectable man, a better father, a more stable provider and a more compassionate human being - holy shit, what a year!!!
But that's a story that I'd like to contnue throughout Gargaquulabulum. The temping lead directly to finding this gig with Hospice. There was some static with that in the beginning (detailed in posts starting in February, 2005) where I suspected that, despite the promotion and support from some really awesome folks I work directly with, I was being held back by a certain individual and the run-around from the the hierarchy within the organization in general - all since confirmed true and fact. But as of August I am a full-time 'permanent' (as far as that term goes with employment in general) and doing quite well for myself. An earlier me would've fucked it all up with expectations unfulfilled and the resultant resentment, coupled with the baggage from 5 years dealing with Baby's Momma, had I chose to hold onto that could've made some of the last few month perfectly unbearable, and completely impossible to live through. I am a firm believer in the power of Forgiveness! And, I s'pose that's what this is all about.
Sunday morning she called because she hadn't heard from me about the upcoming hearing, and I hadn't thought to call her with the status because I figured that was the reason for the hearing in the 1st place, only to make it all public and official. But Sunday Morning was the time. I was up early having been awaken in time to rescue Cody's first quarry - a terrified sparrow which was in good enough shape to fly away upon being released outside. Maybe that was just the Karmic boost I needed. Jayne called to confirm that I'd appear at the courthouse, only then did it occur to me that this event was the the undertone of so many of the conversations that we weren't having. Like the one about how difficult a time she had been having with her own job since April. About how little I'd been around during those months gearing up for the move from Manassas to Fairfax. About the steps was taking to secure gainful employment, preserve my credit so that H and I could put plans for the future in motion. About all that I was learning about what goes into the making of a healthy, well-adjusted and emotionally resilient child, both in terms of material, and the less-tangible, means of support.
The fact of the matter is that J and I both have our challenges to overcome in being better parents, we have differing roles to play and differing levels of responsibility, but the involvement and participation should be shared; the goal is the same even if we have different ways of approaching that. What we have here is the results of a steady decline in our ability to communicate our needs and outlook to the other for fear of criticism, frustration and misunderstanding created by looking at the situation through the lenses of our past experience, or just plain stubborn pride. I invited her to talk with me anytime she has issues or problems, concerns or questions. I promise to do everything in my power to understand, to help, to make things better for all of us. I promise you Jayne, that whatever is between us I would never try to dodge my responsibility to our daughter. I Love lil' D! In fact, I need that obligation as much myself as she does to get where it is I'm headed. I can't promise that it will never be frustrating but I can promise that each little breakdown is only half of a cycle that leads us to an eventual breakthrough on the other side. Understanding is what life is about. The more we are able to communicate the more likely the outcomes of these challenges are to benefit everyone involved.
The judge in the 'matter' advised that I was 3 months in arrears and at the recommendation of the court he was inclined to hold me in contempt and that I should be 'punished'. With all due respect your Honor, to punish me would teach me nothing beyond what I already know to be wrong, and I'm only an example inasmuch as others pay attention - which isn't much! I explained to him in brief everything mentioned above and he offered to suspend the case for 3 months pending satisfactory compliance on my part, at which point it would be dismissed. Jayne thought it over for a couple of seconds and decided to dismiss it on the spot. The judge also added that as much as material support is important what matters most is the parenting that goes goes into these situations. Thank you, your Honor . . . my point, exactly!
Please show us the wisdom to look beyond our own to the the well being of the tribe. Tension builds in the gaps left by unbalances until such point as we stretch and flex to accommodate their discomfort. After a (relatively brief, but often painful) adjustment we can relax into the new arrangement - Forgiveness is like the chiropractic manipulation of the soul!
I return you now to to my irregularly scheduled posts of pseudo-psychic babble, obtuse humor and cryptic subjectivity. . . Thank you!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 02:21 pm (UTC)this is a good opportunity, i think...
hope its not too difficult to obtain that balance again.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-13 05:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-16 04:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-16 01:27 pm (UTC)Kudos for being a thinking/honest/sensitive human being.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-24 02:28 am (UTC)