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doodlemaierCan't take vacations anymore, they're simply too expensive. Not only in the financial sense but more than 3 days away from reality without pumping time/attention into it accelerates its inevitable slide into entropy. I thought I took care of everything important, at least those I had time for before leaving for Rehobeth only to find that any random detail left unattended will potentially metastasize into full-bore problems in less than a week. I should be creating with that energy, not trying vainly to hold everything together.
"Windows" to the past left open allow in the ghosts and specters of relationships that I did not nurture; not that their visits bring with them any malicious intent, but a haunting is still a haunting. And no sooner than they come they vanish again without the sense of longing and the illusion of separation they instill, and leaving only the questions they raise. I don't believe for a minute that those inquiries are coincidence within two months of putting a ring on H's finger, I only wish I understood the physics by which that kind of universal response operates. Some may notice that I'm in the process of nailing the sills shut and bricking those windows over once and for all. Please don't be offended or take it personally. It's a matter of self preservation. I've taken whatever measures available to stay in touch.
I simply can't keep up with the conversation anymore. The matter of time can't be mistrusted enough. Where the ether of all futures that might yet be condense into the fluid present nothing is stable and nothing is as it appears. Whether it's the things I put aside until now or the thoughts I bring forth the present is the liquid surface that reflects when still, or refracts when agitated, the light of my perception. But also the past, like a giant collective iceberg of frozen time, can intersect with the present and threatens to destroy anything which cannot yield, anything I try to keep solid with my expectations.
Despite all the details weighing on me I'm grateful that what really matters is unchanged.
"Windows" to the past left open allow in the ghosts and specters of relationships that I did not nurture; not that their visits bring with them any malicious intent, but a haunting is still a haunting. And no sooner than they come they vanish again without the sense of longing and the illusion of separation they instill, and leaving only the questions they raise. I don't believe for a minute that those inquiries are coincidence within two months of putting a ring on H's finger, I only wish I understood the physics by which that kind of universal response operates. Some may notice that I'm in the process of nailing the sills shut and bricking those windows over once and for all. Please don't be offended or take it personally. It's a matter of self preservation. I've taken whatever measures available to stay in touch.
I simply can't keep up with the conversation anymore. The matter of time can't be mistrusted enough. Where the ether of all futures that might yet be condense into the fluid present nothing is stable and nothing is as it appears. Whether it's the things I put aside until now or the thoughts I bring forth the present is the liquid surface that reflects when still, or refracts when agitated, the light of my perception. But also the past, like a giant collective iceberg of frozen time, can intersect with the present and threatens to destroy anything which cannot yield, anything I try to keep solid with my expectations.
Despite all the details weighing on me I'm grateful that what really matters is unchanged.
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no subject
Date: 2007-08-30 11:01 pm (UTC)*hugses*
no subject
Date: 2007-08-31 04:04 pm (UTC)There is never a time when a cat macro ISN'T appropriate.
Date: 2007-09-01 09:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-04 01:22 am (UTC)Marriage for tom cats
Date: 2007-09-04 02:14 am (UTC)"Carefully!" he says, "whatever else the two of you (not H) have between you, whether it be Love, property, children, the same fetish or drug addiction, it's a legal agreement, also. . . A lot of people make it a goal to get married at some point in their lives, but not a lot of people make it a goal to have a successful marriage."
So. . . .I've been observing marriages. All of 'em. Any of them I can gather something like information about. I have my own personal criteria about what a successful marriage really means but in a nutshell it's the other 48%. From these observations I've learned two things:
- 1st-ly, I am no one to judge what makes other people happy.
- 2nd-ly, every successful marriage (that I've observed) seems to have some sort of pivot point, an event that determines whether the relationship succeeds or fails.
I'm sure there're are actually lots of them given enough time but there's always one that's observable from the right vantage. But it's always different for every couple. Regardless, it is my goal to be counted among the successful. At this point I have my doubts that I'd manage to ever get it right. I only want that I do it well.Re: Marriage for tom cats
Date: 2007-09-04 12:09 pm (UTC)How many of those marriages were because the woman was pregnant? (what? like 1 in 10 of those work lol) or like that wedding I was in back in may. Those two are already in the divorce line because they wern't sure. But did one of them have the balls to say that? NOOOOO.
When one looks at marriage by the statistics, you get the worst possible scenario. Successfull marriages are a whole nuther animal. Couples who have put time into getting to know their partner are going to have better odds obviously. (like you & H) Couples need to live together for a few years to see what the other is like in their own environment before commiting to a lifetime with them. (it's not Gay marriage ruining the institution, it's the damn straights lmao)
Jason & I have been together since 1995. However we've only been married a year. What was the point of waiting so long? Because I didn't want it to matter any more when we did. I didn't want married life to be this WHOLE NEW FRONTIER. I just wanted a legal lifetime with my man lol.
Oh, and it's been my experience that the pivot points come out of nowhere...and they've never heard of that "one time" rule. Mr Pivot & I have met 3 or 4 times since getting together with Jas. hehe.
I guess what I'm saying boils down to is this, what gives your relationship the ablity to "stay" is not statistics or pivot points..but rather your ablity to say "Do I love her enough to never say I'M DONE?"
no subject
Date: 2007-09-04 04:21 pm (UTC)Re: Marriage for tom cats
Date: 2007-09-07 02:23 pm (UTC)Re: Marriage for tom cats
Date: 2007-09-07 02:32 pm (UTC)Re: Marriage for tom cats
Date: 2007-09-07 03:07 pm (UTC)all you did was reset the game.
lmao.
anonymous?
Re: Marriage for tom cats
Date: 2007-09-07 03:08 pm (UTC)that way I can win & lose AT TEH SAME TIME EVAN!
no subject
Date: 2007-09-12 08:29 pm (UTC)